Inescapable--Twilight Fanfiction Bash Site
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"People do not deserve good writing, they are so pleased with bad." Ralph Waldo Emerson |
Emmett Goes Prettyboy by Zukaddy
As the story currently winning the title for worst sequel is (supposedly) a parody, I felt necessary a definition of what a parody is. According to the American Heritage Dictionary, the definition of parody is as follows:
parody (păr'ə-dē)
What the emphasis I added means is that to create a Twilight parody, you have to copy the style, the story, or its characters and satirize them, creating the humorous effect expected in all parodies. A parody is not the same as a bastardization of characters, which bear no resemblance to their canon counterparts exept in name just for the sake of cheap laughs. That bastardization I mentioned is what Emmett Goes Prettyboy is.
It's not funny. Anyone with an IQ higher than a cement block's will read through the story with an open mouth—not in the good way.
Let's enumerate the many faults so others can learn and not repeat the same mistakes.
First of all, sequels are bad by definition. Outside of series, I can think of only a few sequels that are actually worth reading/watching. A good sequel can be made, but creating a sequel to a story with a contrived plot, OOC characters, cheap gags and passable grammar and spelling is suicidal. Starting with a flashback to said story, which was called Emmett Goes Emo (and both are the prequels to Alcyone Goes Nauseous featuring a date with the toilet, the embracing of razor blades and lynching of trollfics—footage at eleven!) showcases just how bad the sequel is.
Flashback-
Pulling off my emo clothes and pulling on some regular ones I called, “Alice!”
“Yes.” She zoomed into my room, bouncing on the ceiling, since she had already seen the outcome.
“Make me pretty.”
Emmett’s POV
After asking for Alice’s advice and she spouting a bunch of fast-talk at me, I decided to let her take charge. Lord knows she did pretty well on the emo, why wouldn’t she do well on pretty?
“Hey, Alice?” I asked.
She stopped talking long enough to cock her head to the side and say, “Yeah? What’swrong,Emmett? AmIgoingtoofastforyou? Whatdoyouthinksofar? Isittoomuch?”
(goodluckfiguringoutwhatthatsays)
No, I did not add the bolded portion. That is an Author's Note in the middle of the chapter. Anditwasactuallyquiteeasytofigureoutwhatitsaidastheywereshortphrasesnowifyouwereto writeanentireparagraphomittingallpunctuationmarksandspacesthenthatwouldbeharderto readasnopunctuationmarkscanreallyscrewupameaning. Goodluckfiguringoutwhatthatsays.
And so, our dear Emmett has become preppy. But, not all hope is lost! Alice may have been possessed, but Rosalie would never let her husband look anything less than utterly stylish and perfect!
The door opened, slowly, hesitantly. Rosalie was scared for what was behind the door, scared of me. That sure didn’t help my self-esteem, let me tell you! “Aah! Emmett! I love it!” she was ecstatic. I breathed an unnecessary sigh of relief.
Aah! What kind of demonic Rosalie is this?! Get the holy water, quick!
But, Emmett's worries with Rosalie are nothing compared to the ones he feels when he realizes he must meet up with his emo pals again. *gasp* What will they say?
Quotes to Love
She looked at her outfit, a black Abercrombie shirt, and dark blue flare jeans from Hollister. “Oh yeah, I’m the Abercrombie emo.” (AN- that’s what some people called my the other day cuz I scratched my arms on wire, so I looked emo, but I was wearing Abercrombie. Thus, the Abercrombie emo was born.)
AN (Alcyone's Note)-Do I have stamped on my face an "I care about your life, please, enlighten me as to the inside jokes that only you get, particularly in the middle of something I'm suffering through trying to read?"
But I could be a water boy, he said. I said, sure. Why not, right? I was so wrong. It sucked. I had to bring water and snacks out to the football players during practice. And I was treated like poop. Yucky poop!