I always shake my head sadly when I enter Ramblings and Thoughts, the by invitation only Twilight fanfiction archive, and find poor Pelirroja one strike away from snapping and chucking herself out a window. Not that I blame her. It is incredibly difficult to manage any fandom’s fanfiction archive, state the rules (bolded, capitalized, put in a different font face and color sometimes, too), yet people are somehow able to avoid wasting time and actually read the rules and proceed to submit their stories however they wish.

 

Here’s a shout out to all archive administrators and a prayer that all idiots that don’t follow the established rules will finally learn to read.

 

Archives—

Learn to Read Dammit!

 

For the English language, there are only three Twilight fanfiction archives: the infamous Fanfiction.net, Twilight Archives and Ramblings and Thoughts: Twilight Fanfiction. All three have firmly established rules (the first does have rules, but it takes a long time to see them enforced—sometimes, not enforced at all), among them, proper spelling, good grammar and no plagiarism. Twilight Archives and Ramblings and Thoughts have specific rules to them, however, and it’s on these two—the privately owned, Twilight-centric archives, that I will focus on.

 

First of all, the administrators (Kaiwynn for TA, Pelirroja for R&T) have every right to refuse to host your fanfic. It’s their server, their bandwidth, their disk space, their archive. In Pelirroja’s words, it’s their sandbox. Don’t like it? Go play somewhere else. You, as the author, really have no right seeing as the administrator is being kind enough to host your fanfic, something they do not have to do. Instead, as an author, the least you can do is show them the courtesy of following their rules and make life easier for them.

 

In other words, if the rules state every chapter ought to be 500 words long or more, dammit, MAKE IT 500 WORDS LONG OR MORE! If AU stories are not allowed for prospective authors, DON’T SUBMIT AN AU FIC!

 

That Edward/Bella wedding story you’re really proud of?

 

 

Or—

 

Dang, E/B’s wedding is AU. But, it’s so good! Pelirroja will just have to accept it!

 

Watch both administrators grab your story and whack you with it. Whack, administrators, whack!

 

Secondly, administrators are not your betas. They do not revise your spelling, grammar, insert line breaks, help paragraphs flow, etc. Don’t treat them like one. Make sure your stories are spell-checked, grammar is revised, line breaks are inserted, paragraphs exist, all those technicalities that actually help people read (and make them want to read). Else, that’s a one way ticket to getting tossed on your ass out of the archive.

 

Thirdly, when submitting, follow the clearly stated rules. If it says to e-mail one piece that showcases your best, send in the ONE piece that showcases your best! Don’t spam the in-box with ten dozen e-mails!

 

Fourthly, both Kaiwynn and Pelirroja are incredibly fair and they will not reject your story for no reason. They are also incredibly patient. I could not do what they do without ending up with a daily cocktail of Rapid Relief Panadol and Advil Migraine with a half-a-bottle-of-Nyquil chaser.

 

To summarize this rant, don’t abuse of the archivists. They don’t have to do what they do. And you, as a writer, ought to be able to read as no good writer exists that is not a reader first and foremost. And if you can’t read and understand some simple rules, how can you write?

 

In conclusion, READ THE @!$)*$%# RULES, DAMN IT!